For most of my life, when I heard the word intimacy, all I could think of was sex. Sex is awesome and important to your marriage. However, in our culture, the words intimacy and sex are mistakenly used interchangeably. And in the same way that we don’t really talk about sex, we don’t really talk about intimacy.
But in the last few years, I was challenged to think about intimacy in a much deeper and more profound way. Intimacy is about connection and closeness. If you feel like you have drifted from your wife, or if you think you’re just not as close as you used to be, chances are your marriage is missing intimacy. Here are 3 types of intimacy your wife needs.
1. Emotional Intimacy
I know I can be emotionally unavailable. It is hard to shake me. When things are good or when things are bad, I stay pretty consistent with my emotions. But your wife needs emotional intimacy. She needs you to empathize with her pain and celebrate her joy. The low hanging fruit for growing in emotional intimacy is listening.
Listening communicates that you are present with your wife and that she deserves your time and attention.
Another way to work on your emotional intimacy is to share your emotions with your wife. In your next conversation, use feelings terms when telling a story about your day, like “This really made me frustrated at work because…” or “When this happened, I was sad because…” This is not natural for most men, so we must work at connecting with our spouses emotionally.
2. Physical Intimacy
Yes, sex does count as physical intimacy—but it’s not the only type of physical intimacy your wife desires. She wants to be held and loved and cherished. Hold her hand, lightly slap her booty when she walks by (but only if she likes that sort of thing), hug her in the morning. How you engage in physical intimacy needs to be appropriate and specific to your wife’s needs. Before deciding to initiate physical intimacy in a certain way, consider whether she likes being physically intimate in that way. And what may help with physical intimacy is being intentional to work on emotional intimacy. They are connected.
3. Spiritual Intimacy
This one may be the hardest of the three, but I think it’s the most important…. Read the rest of this article at All Pro Dad.